i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
