It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
