how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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