im six kinds of drunk right now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
