dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
