Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
