My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
