Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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