? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
