Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
