Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
