It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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