The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
