I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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