help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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