This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
