this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
