Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
