Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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