So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
