i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
