you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
