Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
