we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
