after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
