If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
