You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
