Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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