i used baking grease as lip gloss
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
