I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
