3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
