I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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