Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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