went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
