Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
