I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
