Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
