Do you still have your period?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
