Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
