If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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