he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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