hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
