life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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