I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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