she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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