PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
