so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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