I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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