Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(713): View more from Texas

on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

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(936): View more from Texas

you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

(1-936): View more from Texas

I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.

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(310): View more from California

Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.

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(801): View more from Utah

I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.

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