i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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