the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
