you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
