you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
