I hate your face
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
