dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
