I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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