i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
