fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
