It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
