Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
