ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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